Imagine

Imagine with me for a moment that every time you care for your child, every time you hug them, feed them, clothe and shelter them, every time you spend quality time with them, nurture them, or tell them you love them, they react with fear, anger, and other irrational emotions and behaviors. Imagine that you are doing everything right, but your child is aggressive, destructive, abusive, controlling, and manipulative. They have even falsely accused you of abuse and neglect and repeatedly run away from home. You take your child to dozens of therapists, psychologists, and counselors. You read all the parenting books, articles, and blogs you can find. And nothing changes; nothing helps. 

If you are the parent of an adopted child, particularly one adopted from foster care, this scenario may sound like your daily life. Every adopted child has experienced some degree of trauma, and if that child spent time in the foster care system, that trauma can be immense. Many kids in foster care have learned from an early age that the very first people who were supposed to take care of them instead hurt, scared, or neglected them. Our adopted children do not have issues simply because they are adopted. Rather, they have issues because they suffered a break during the early years of attachment with a biological caregiver. They learned that feeling connected to a caregiver is dangerous and that attachments are not safe. This experience permanently rewires the brain and leaves the child in a constant state of survival.  They are unable to form healthy attachments to anyone. This is called Reactive Attachment Disorder or RAD, and it has devastating effects on not just the child, but the entire family. Up to half of children who are or have been in foster care have this disorder, and all of our AAIF members have a child or family member with RAD.

My son is one of those children. To someone unfamiliar with RAD, the stories I could tell about my child sound outlandish. Parents like me often avoid telling anyone how difficult this life is for fear of being discounted, judged, or given useless advice. Without this organization, I and the others in the group would have no one to turn to when our hurt, broken, and struggling children can’t help but try to hurt and break us. 

Our mission at the Alliance for Attachment-Injured Families is to empower, educate, and encourage parents, educators, and other professionals who engage with our children experiencing RAD and other attachment/trauma related issues to encourage healthier communities throughout the state of Wyoming. If you’d like more information about AAIF or Reactive Attachment Disorder, please contact us. We are here to help.

Thanks for reading,

Tamarah